Ok first things first, my Vp. is a complete bonehead, my teachers probably do more drugs than I do, the people who are supossed to be my friends think i'm a liar. Ok, i'll admit it, i used to be a compulsive liar, id tell ppl what i thought they wanted to hear. But im over that now, sooner or later you tend to forget your stories.. I cheated on the only guy who ever loved me for who i am with a guy i have been friends with since i was 14. I have frequent breakdowns where i twitch convulsively and get extremely violent. I smoke pot again after quitting for over a year, just so i dont have to face reality. Reality is for ppl who cant handle drugs (lol). I've fucked up every good realtionship I've ever had with anybody. Whether it be with my 'friends' or with lovers, i always seem to fuck it up somehow. Im afraid to let anybody really get to know me. I dont even know me....How fucked is that?? Death it not to be feared, but not to be looked for. Im afraid of death but i dont want to live. Does that make any sense to you?? It doesnt to me.